Class 8 have been working hard to think of companies to write to in order for our courtyard area to be redesigned. They have drafted letters to these companies. We would love to know your thoughts about these!
Mr McCann
Leslie Manser Blog
Leslie Manser Primary School
Leslie Manser Blog 
Dear Whisby garden centre,
We are writing to ask if you would consider helping us improve our courtyard because it looks dull and a bit boring. We thought you could help us by donating some of your flower seeds. We decided to write to you because you’re the best garden centre in Lincoln. It would turn our grey courtyard into an exotic wonderland for all students to enjoy.
The reason we would love for you to help us is because we really need to transform our miserable courtyard into an amazing memorial garden for Leslie Manser, a very brave soldier from world war I. it would be spirit lifting if you could help by giving us some seeds, we would preferably like poppy’s and roses. It would be a real honour for Leslie Manser and it would be a symbol of our respect, wouldn’t you agree? It would be amazing for the students because they could learn in a calm, peaceful environment we hope you’ll understand why we would love if you could help.
You could be put in the school’s newsletter and possibly the newspaper, we hope you will consider helping our school look brand new. We would be forever grateful. It would change our lives and all the other students as well.
Yours gratefully,
From Leslie Manser Pupils Aidan and Freya.
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Well done your work is fantastic I like that you used rhetorical questions 😀
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WOW!!! What an amazing piece of work, you have put a lot of thought into this letter. We also love your persuasion.
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Well done Freya and Aidan excellent language used. Next time try to double check your sentences and make sure they have the right punctuation. 😎
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Well done Aidan and Freya! 😀 2DJ. This is a superb persuasive letter and I really like the rhetorical question used in this. T – Try to think of how to begin your final paragraph a bit better. Such as, ‘As a way of showing our appreciation we could…’ Also, you could add a little more detail about Leslie Manser who died during the Second World War.
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Dear Wickes,
We are hoping you would be able to help us take our school courtyard a master piece because at the moment it is not a very interesting space.
it has a dry pond with dead flowers. Please help us make are courtyard much better so it can look really good when we look out of the window it will look stuning. When you do help us we will sponsor you and on our website we` ll say special thanks to wix for helping us design are courtyard.
We will need some
• Flowers
• Benches
• decorations
And things that you think would be nice
from Ethan & Kai
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Well done Kai and Ethan we really enjoyed reading your work about the courtyard. 🙂
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Well done Kai and Ethan we really like how you started of your letter.
Next time try to correct spellings and check it makes sense 🙂
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Well done Ethan and Kai! I can see that you’ve tried hard to write a persuasive letter. 😀 2DJ. T – Please look carefully at the plan and structure your letter into three paragraphs. This will help your letter make more sense.
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Well done Kai and Ethan , I hope your letter helps to achieve your goal of a stunning new courtyard .
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Dear MKM,
We would love it if you would help us with building a better courtyard in our loved school. It would be fantastic if you could. We would really appreciate it if you could help us construct it with some amazing decorations. The things we would like to turn our courtyard into a magical learning space is a fountain, benches and perhaps a statue of Leslie Manser, who our school is named after. You might not be aware, but, Leslie Manser was a pilot who flew in WWII. He saved lots people during the war but he sadly died in a plane crash.
When the courtyard is done, you may see our school in the newspaper and your company might be in it too!
Yours Sincerely,
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Well done Kamile and Lucy nice work i love that you have tried to persuade the reader to respond to the letter 😀
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Well done Kamile and Lucy-Mae! I can see that you’ve tried to use persuasive language. 😀 2DJ. T – Please look carefully at the plan and structure your letter into three paragraphs. I also think you need to go into a lot more detail to help MKM to be persuaded by this special cause.
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Dear B&M,
We are writing to you because we would like you to help us upgrade our school courtyard. At the moment, the courtyard doesn’t look very inspiring at all. In fact nobody uses it and it’s very dull, overgrown and needs a bit of redoing. We thought you could help us make it as inspiring as we hope it will be.
This is what we might need to build it:
• Solar lighting
• Patio decking
• Flowers/Plants
• Entertaining equipment
• Some sort of shelter
We would like to theme this around Leslie Manser, a brave soul who saved his friends and sacrificed his life in a plane crash in the war and is also who our school is named after. Our courtyard is useless, because there is only an overgrown pond with no water in it. There are a few dead plants surrounding covering the pond. We don’t know how to get one but we also might need a statue of our school name sake, Leslie Manser.
If you help us, we will help you advertise your company in the school newspaper or on our school blog/website. If you help us build this, the students in our school will be so happy. We will have so many things to do in there and it can also help us learn too.
Kind regards,
Theo and Alex.
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Wow Alex and Theo this letter is very persuasive and I am sure you will get a reply. 🙂
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Excellent persuasive letter Theo and Alex! 😀 2DJ. T – Try to be less direct in asking for help, such as ‘we wondered whether you’d be able to help us…’ Also check ‘needs a bit of redoing’ as it could be worded better. I think you could go into more detail about who Leslie Manser was too.
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well done Alex and Theo a lovely letter written by you both , certainly got your point across of why your writing to them , fingers crossed for your reply x
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Dear B&Q,
We are writing to tell you about the re-designing of our school courtyard. At the moment our school courtyard looks quite dull. It would be wonderful if you could help us turn our dull courtyard into something magical like a memorial garden.
We would appreciate it if we could use some of your materials to make it look as magical as we believe it can be. We would like it if we could have some decking, solar lights and some flowers. We are wanting to create a memorial garden for Leslie Manser, a brave solider who fought in World War II and who our school is named after. If you are able to help us we will put your name on our school grounds and we will tell everyone how you helped us on our school blog. We all hope you can help turn our dull old courtyard into a place of memories, dreams, beauty, fun and exquisite learning.
Yours sincerely
Grace and Layla
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Wow Layla and Grace, you did an wonderful job of making the letters for B&Q. 😉
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Great persuasive letter Grace and Layla! 😀 2DJ. I like the persuasive language that you have used in your letter. T – Try to look carefully at how this letter should be structured in to at least three paragraphs. This will enable each paragraph to have a very clear purpose. This letter has a lot of potential!
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Well done girls! It’s a very persuasive letter and I hope you get lots of lovely things from it.
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Dear Homebase,
We are writing to tell you that we need a new courtyard. We really like your store and we need some extra hands. We are hoping you can build this for us so we can have lunch, lessons and times for a story.
The reason we need a new courtyard is because our old one looks not that good. Our old courtyard only has dead flowers and a pond that only has rain water in it. We think we need some beautiful flowers and some benches that are colorful.
If you help us then we will advertise you in the school newspaper and we will recommend all parents and carers to go to home base. If you help us we will pay you.
Yours sincerely
Aaron and Rhys
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Wow Aaron & Rhys your work is amazing.
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Good effort with your persuasive letter Aaron and Rhys! 😀 2DJ. I like that structure of your letter, although I think you need more detail. T – try to be less direct such as ‘we wondered whether you could help us…’ Also, you need to talk about Leslie Manser as this is who the garden is being made to remember. Check what we would be able to offer Homebase too.
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Really like the idea of writing to homebase and think your letter is structured well, I especially like that you explain what you can offer in return for their help. I think when explaining how run down the current courtyard is maybe state how committed you are to looking after a new one as putting that your current flowers are dead but you want new ones may lead homebase into thinking you won’t care for the things they provide. Just an idea boys, but fab effort 🙂
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Dear Pennell’s Garden Centre,
We are writing to you to we ask if you would kindly help us upgrade our school courtyard. We are hoping to have a variety of different flowers in there. With your help we could turn our school court yard into a memorial ground, but also we could use the space as an outdoor classroom where we can learn and think about those who gave up so much for us.
Do you know who Leslie Manser is? He was a brave soldier who risked his life for the passengers on his plane. However, he sadly died after he crashed his plane during the war. We really would like it if you could help us in some way. As a thank you, we would advertise a poster of Pennell’s and you could also say that you helped our school.
You could help us by sending some plants and flowers. This will help bring life back to our school courtyard and we will have more learning space. Did you have a nice court yard at school and if so wouldn’t you want us to have one too.
Kind regards
Alfie and Josh
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Wow, we really liked that you included lots of information however next time try to include more spaces after you have done a full stop. 🙂
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Wow, we really like your emotive and expressive language. Next time try to think of some alternatives for and like also.
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Excellent persuasive letter Alfie and Josh! 😀 2DJ. I like that you have structured your letter very carefully. Read through your first paragraph as the first line doesn’t quite make sense. You also need to check the punctuation on the final question that you have asked. Try to use better openers such as ‘We would be eternally grateful’ or ‘It would mean the world if…’
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What a brilliant persuasive letter. I am sure they won’t be able to resist helping after the good argument you have put across and reasons for! I look forward to seeing it 😀
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Dear Pennell’s Garden Centre,
We are writing to tell you about our schools neglected courtyard, which looks like a dump. We are hoping that with your help were could transform the space into a wonderful learning area. It would be wonderful if you could give us some beautiful flowers, including Poppies and perhaps, some bee friendly flowers to help the bees. A few benches would be kindly received also. Since you are our favourite garden centre, it would be a privilege if you could give our school courtyard a helping hand to make it a marvellous place to work.
As our school is named by a person, Leslie Thomas Manser, who sacrificed his life for our generation. Our courtyard is going to become a symbol for his lost and it would be thoughtful if you would be in this transformation of the courtyard. Wouldn’t you want someone to help you when you were younger to help build part of your school? Your majestic flowers would bring grace and happiness to this school.
If you help us bring our school courtyard to its next level your company’s website will magically appear on our school website as a gratitude for your work and we might get the local paper in and advertise your generous donation.
Yours sincerely,
Connie and Mabel
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Wow Connie and Mabel, we loved the professional language you have used. We think you will definitely get a reply! Next time try to check your work. 🙂
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Excellent persuasive letter Connie and Mabel! 😀 2DJ. You have certainly been very persuasive in your letter. T – Your first paragraph is too long and just needs to be short and to the point. Your following paragraphs can go into the detail needed. Try to avoid saying ‘give us’, instead try to say phrases like ‘help us in any way’.
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Wow Connie and Mabel your work is fab I especially all your emotive and persuasive language. You will definitely get the first reply and it will say yes.
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Dear Whisby Garden Centre
We are writing to tell you about our outdated courtyard and see whether you`d be able to help us. At the minute it’s not the greatest thing you’ve ever seen and we need your help to turn it into something magical.
We would be delighted if you could donate some beautiful flowers to help us decorate our outdoor learning space. You’re the best garden center in the world. Also we would be able to change our abilities in learning and visitors will have a better outlook of our school. We are doing this because we want to make a marmoreal garden for Leslie Manser who our school is named after.
Don’t you think that this will change the future, we could be the next generation of teachers and doctors? All we need is your help to make us more exited to wake up and go to school in the morning?
Kind regards Alisha, Cordelia
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Great persuasive letter Alisha and Cordelia! 😀 2DJ. T – There are lots of little corrections to make, including punctuation. Possibly instead of saying ‘need your help’ use a phrase like ‘would love your help’ or ‘would be very grateful for your help’. Is the final question a question?
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Dear B&Q,
We would love for you to come to are School and help us create are, Horrible, disgusting and Dull Courtyard into something beautiful like it used to be. Have you ever went to a school who is named after a heroic person called Leslie Manser ?
Please could we have some plants [maybe some Poppies and Red Roses and Trees .] some picnic benches and maybe some lighting .Thank you if you help us.
Yours Sincerely,
Cameron and Charley-brooke
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Well done Charley and Cameron! 😀 2DJ. I’m very impressed that you have used a rhetorical question! T – Try to organise your letter into at least three paragaphs. Add a little more detail about who Leslie Manser was, especially as you asked the reader whether they knew who he was. Also, try to include phrases such as ‘It would be great if you could help us’
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Wednesday 8th February 2017
Dear Screwfix,
We are writing to tell you, that we would like your help with creating our old, dull courtyard into something creative and beautiful.
The children would like to do some fun activities and have some stories read to them, they may even eat their lunch in there. The problem is that our courtyard is old and dull and we don’t what to do with it.
Could you help by giving us some materials and flowers to create our courtyard into something better than it is now? You should help us because, our school will put your rating up on your website and we would sponsor you on your advertisement.
Thank you!
Yours sincerely Leslie Manser Primary School children, Daniel, Billy and Ashton.
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Good effort Billy, Daniel and Ashton! 😀 2DJ. T – I think you need an awful lot more detail in your letter if you want them to be persuaded to help. You need to go into detail about the design of the garden and who it is to help remember. You also need to talk about the big impact which it will have on all of the children. Finally, try to be less direct and use phrases like ‘love your help’ or ‘be extremely grateful if’.
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Good try boys. Try not to say ‘you should help’ as this is quite direct, ‘we would love you to help’ would sound more polite 🙂
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Billy Daniel and Ashton, you did a great job I loved the part when you said that the children could do fun activities it really impresses us allot 8)
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