Class 8 have been working hard over the last two days in English to draft a detailed diary entry as Charles Darwin. All of the children have grown fantastic grey beards and are now imagining what life would have been like aboard this vessel. Please read our diary entries and comment on them.
Pupils will have the opportunity to edit and improve these diaries, as there may be some mistakes/improvements to make.
Many thanks,
Mr McCann
Leslie Manser Blog 
Day 1: 28th december 1831
Today has been one of my most granted days of my life. As I first went to the harbour I first saw captain FitzRoys ship slowly heading towards the harbour, suddenly my stomach felt qeesy and turned upside down at the thought of leaving land and family for around five years. I noticed the ship was a great wooden structure. When I got my first impression of captain FitzRoy, He was a strong and wealthy man he always had a fresh ideas if his first plan didn’t work. All of the crew were hard at work getting every thing ready for when we set of in the next three hours. Once I had borded HMS Beagle, captain FitzRoy helped me choose piston and told me I should always have a loaded one with me no matter what.
Once I came out of the cabin I noticed the sun was shining down but this was unusual as it was still winter. It was if the clouds had gone to the horizon. I thought this is a very good day to start the journey to the Galápagos Islands. There was plenty of room in captain FitzRoys cabin for both of us because all the other cabins were a lot smaller than his. I felt exited but also worried if anything happens to me. I wasn’t even sure that was my feelings because I had a very mixed feeling inside me.
We then set sail on the HMS Beagle heading towards the first Galápagos Islands. Though later that day, that’s when I also noticed that I wasn’t a good traveler because at the minute I can only eat biscuits and bread which makes me very hungry but I know I Can not eat anything else, I learnt that the hard way.
As the day moved on my sea sickness didn’t improve though I am now bonding well with the crew. The crew and captain fitzRoy have now made me a crew member,they have a particular way of doing it. First they blind folded me before dunking me under the freezing cold water, they also made me walk the plank into boiling hot water. So now I am now an official member of the crew.
That evening I was bonding with my fellow crew again when the word spread that tea was ready, all the crew dashed down to see what tea was, I already knew that it was beef stew. Though that night I found myself lent over the ship and horrifically vomited for three long hours though no one noticed.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well done Elysia! This is a brilliant diary entry as Charles Darwin! I particularly like how well you have organised your writing! 🙂 2DJ.
T: Try to proof read carefully as you have a few words which are incorrect and missing punctuation, where it should be the end of a sentence. Also, try to maintain your excitement, as this would be your main viewpoint about the day.
LikeLike
Well done Elysia you have used very good language and good description of being in Charles Darwin’s boots
LikeLike
Day 1: Wednesday 28th December 1831
Today I got a letter off professor Henslow. When I arrived at the harbour. I was very nervous about what I doing. The crew were working very hard like a swarm of bees. However when I arrived they were getting the HMS Beagle ready to depart from Devonport. They were working as a team getting the vessel ready to depart. They were a very hard working team. I still rely on captain FitzRoy and his crew as hard workers and reliable people. A team of hard working people. They were washing the deck and getting the ship ready to set sail so putting up the sails and other things.
I seem to think that Captain FitzRoy chose them for a certain reason maybe they were put threw to work for him as he was the best of his day. I really think that me and him will be really good companions. I can’t wait to work with his crew as well as him. He came with me to help me chose two loaded pistoles, one was a revolver since this voyage will be a very dangerous one . This vessel was armed with many cannons because we might bump into an enemy ship. I really hope we don’t have to use them. The enemy ship shouldn’t attack since we arn’t going into war, we are going on a voyage to the Canary Islands.
This is when I met captain FitzRoy my first impression of him was as a hard worker. His crew were swarming the deck like ants carrying their fruit. They were working as a team getting the vessel ready to depart. They were a very hard working team. I still rely on captain FitzRoy and his crew as hard workers and reliable people. A team off hard working people. They were washing the deck and getting the ship ready to set sail so putting up the sails and other things.
After many hours of final preparation were set off to the Canary Islands I will miss farther and uncle and I will also miss Devonport since it is where I grew up with mother. I will be gone for a least 5 years I will miss my family , my home and the county of Devonport I will miss the place I grew up with mother however most of all I will miss farther. I will be millions of miles away from here where I grew up I can’t bear that I will be miles away from here the place I have lived all my life.
We are now out at sea and getting ready for dinner. It was roast beef and gravy. I went to eat strait away. After all I vomited it all back up over the side of the magnificent ship it was made brown, dull, wood. I still don’t feel 100% so I went straight to my room and fell asleep. It was a great environment the crew was a great place to be around they were a great. Now it is time to go to sleep.
– Charles Darwin
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well done Mia! You have included lots of detail writing as Charles Darwin. 🙂 2DJ.
T: Careful with your writing as you have sometimes started many of your sentences the same way (They) and repeated yourself when describing the crew. Also, remember commas after fronted adverbials and adverbs.
LikeLike
Day 1: Wednesday 28th December 1831
I arrived in great curiosity as I did not know what to expect. I had departed from Devonport and headed to meet the well known, Captain Fitzroy. I have to thank Professor Henslow when I get back as he was the one who got me this astonishing opportunity by informing me about Captain Fitzroy’s generous offer. As I arrived I could see all the colossal ships and vessels in the distance with their captains and cooperative crewmen. But there was one ship that really made me look. The HMS Beagle. It was old but powerful, rusty but beautiful and below it was the proud owner, Captain Fitzroy. Seeing such a cooperative crew having fun while working and having lots of different little jobs that require such talent and detail made me feel joyful inside. As I walked nervously but confidentially down the strong wooden harbour Fitzroy started to notice me and greeted me pleasantly with a smile and a handshake.
He introduced me to the crew and we got along very well because they had similar interests about nature, animals and exploring. They all had completely different jobs to do but they all had the same level of importance. I was astounded because all the crew seemed to do their jobs happily and all had a strong relationship with Captain Fitzroy. I would describe them as birds trying to build a nest. Some collected the sticks and some got the leaves. It was absolutely fascinating.
Captain Fitzroy seemed happy, energetic and cheerful as he explained how the ship worked, what job I would have and where I am sleeping. He wore a smart blazer with a navy blue and gold coat that had red buttons on the side. His hair was as smooth as silk and was a walnut brown colour. It seemed like he washed it twice a day! His eyes were pure blue with a hint of green. At the time I am writing this we are very good friends.
Below the ship there were benches and bed sheets with pillows on top. That is were I will be sleeping for now. Captain Fitzroy told me to choose a weapon just in case another ship tries to attack us. I don’t think I will be any good with a gun if I do have to use it but that’s what I chose.The crew started loading the canons, preparing the nets and the anchors. I was shaking nervously as I had never been on a boat before. Captain Fitzroy assured me that it would be ok and told me to wave goodbye to my home with all the other crew members.
I discovered that I am sea sick as I was vomiting into the sea leaning over the edge of the boat. It was disgusting, horrible and vile.The only things I feel like eating are raisins and biscuits but after I vomited now I feel a bit better. The people on the boat keep making me laugh and smile because they new I was feeling down despite being exited for the big journey. The atmosphere is really good here. Me and the crew have really bonded now. I have had a splendid first day and I wish for it to be like this tomorrow. I might not have the most grand bed but I have had a long day so I am planning to go to bed early tonight so I will feel absolutely exquisite tomorrow.
Let’s see what tomorrow brings.
– Darwin (Kara)
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is a superb diary entry Kara! I think you have captured the style of writing, which Darwin would have used – formal language. 🙂 2DJ
T: There are some little correction to make such as the wrong word being used (due to spellcheck) and commas being needed after a fronted adverbial. I also wondered whether you could have maintained the viewpoint that you were very excited, despite the seasickness, and possibly included a rhetorical question.
LikeLike
Day one: Wednesday 28th December 1831
Today was very extraordinary professor Henslow my old professor informed me of a gentleman named Fitzroy who had half a cabin for anyone who would join him on his voyage. I informed him that I would like to participate with him on his voyage. A few hours later I was accepted so i set off to Devonport to meet him captain Fitzroy was very grateful that I joined him on his voyage . It was lovely sailing weather the sun was shining and not a single fluffy cloud was in sight. Captain Fitzroy’s ship was majestic it’s name was the HMS Beagle it was blue ship with golden stripes and had a statue of a beagle on the front of the ship.
Fitzroy is a very nice man when I was aboard the he gave a warm welcoming hand shake and said welcome to the HMS Beagle. Fitzroy is one of the best captains of his time.
His crew are extraordinary they are like a colony of beetles or bullet ants working together perfectly. One crew mate was cleaning the beagle at the front of the ship making it look brand new and at the back of the ship crew members were making sure the sail on the boat was fine to set sail.
Later in the day we set sail on the magnificent crystal ocean. About a hour into the voyage my stomach started to twist and turn so I went the Side of the ship and threw up what I believed to be last nights dinner which was lamb stew and two slices of bread.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is a good diary entry Bailey! I like the detail you have included and the organisation of your writing. 🙂 2DJ.
T: I do feel this could have been even better if you had written more. Some of your sentences are actually 2 sentences, but you’ve forgotten to punctuate them correctly. Remember that commas are needed after fronted adverbials. Finally, for each paragraph, make sure you continue your opinion/viewpoint of excitement about the adventure ahead.
LikeLike
Day 1: Wednesday 28th December 1831
Dear Diary
Today has been one of the most remarkable days of my life. When I got home from Wales, I found a letter from Professor Henslow informing me that Captain FitzRoy was willing to give up half of his cabin to any young man who was especially amazed in travelling. I went to Devonport to meet Captain FitzRoy. When I got there the sun was shining and there wasn’t a cloud for miles and miles. My first impression of the Captain was, he was very polite and a proper English gentle man.
The HMS Beagle was one of the most amazing ships I had ever seen. The crew were working together like a colony of ants. Captain FitzRoy was one of the best captains of his day and I felt very proud, until I told my father. My father disagreed with me about becoming a Captains companion and told me I would be better off becoming a doctor. But my uncle persuaded him to let me go. I returned back onto the HMS Beagle and after a few hours of preparing we set sail.That night for dinner we had biscuits and berries. They were absolutely marvellous.
After dinner I went to the top of the HMS Beagle I didn’t feel very well. It tried to holed it in but I couldn’t. I raced to the side of the ship and it all came back up again. My lovely dinner biscuits and berries. As I am written this I feel great.I am tied so I am going to bed. I hope tomorrow goes even better the this day.
Charles Darwin.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well done Emma! I really enjoyed reading your diary entry as Charles Darwin and particularly liked when you wrote ‘absolutely marvellous’! 🙂 2DJ.
T: There are quite a few little mistakes, including spellings, so next time spend a little longer proof reading. This could have been a bit longer to include more of the events from the day. This would allow you to make your viewpoint about the trip really clear across the piece of writing. You could also include a rhetorical question.
LikeLike
Well done Emma, a great piece of writing but don’t forget to double check as you write
LikeLike
Day 1:Wednesday 28th December 1831
Right now I’m in the cabin that I’m sharing with Captain FitzRoy and it’s midnight. When I got home earlier I was surprised to see a letter from Professor Henslow to say that any young man can share a cabin with Captain FitsRoy if they can acumplish him on the HMS beagle with out being paid.
Today has been very exiting day because I joined the HMS beagle and started to become good friends with Captain FitzRoy. When I got her I was surprised to see everyone was hard at work trying to get the beagle ready to sail. As I met Captain FitzRoy I felt very neverves.
He told me to always keep a pistol with me. I was a bit scared about the events coming up but mostly exited. Then we had set sail and we were having are lunch an hour after we had lunch felt a bit sea sick and well I axedently lost all my lunch witch happened to be tomato soup with cubed cheese and some bread as well. The croo were all very helpful, nice, kind and friendly I really like them.
I have to go now because Captain FitzRoy is waking up I’ll rite more later.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well done Riley! I can see that you’ve tried really hard writing this diary entry and included relevant information. 🙂 2DJ.
T: Be careful with key spellings such as, FitzRoy, crew, nervous… Also, try to organise your writing carefully, with a fronted adverbial to show the time order clearly to the reader. I’d also like to see a little more writing next time, as I know you have good ideas.
LikeLike
Day one: Wednesday 28th December 1831
Today has been a magnificent day with all the antiques that I have seen. However my dad did not approve with what I did today. Today was a beautiful day even though it was winter time the sun was out and there were many clouds around us. Today I met one amazing, helpful and kind man. He was my captain on the ship I was going on. The ship was the HMS Beagle. All I could see behind me was hard working men. They were getting the ship ready for us to go on and sail out to sea. I was astonished with how hard they were working on the boat. I could feel the breeze brushing on to my back.
As I arrived I saw people around me waiting for something to come from the distance. I was waiting for something as well. It was a ship called the HMS Beagle. I had a feeling he was late. Then I see a ship I thought it was mine and it was. Then I saw the captain FitzRoy walk off the boat that made me look small. Then all the crew was getting ready, people were shouting we are ready to go.
Captain FitzRoy was a nice intelligent man with very good personality. He was a good spirit captain, he helped us though the boat and showed us around. He said to me “keep a loaded pistol at all times” he was just trying to warn me there might be some fights along the way there and the way back. He was helping us as he was protecting us if we got into a fight. He was positive we would not get into a fight. On the way we did not get into a fight which was lucky.
Then eventually it finished it was beautiful. It had clean white paint on it and it had amazingly clean blue lines. It was the cleanest thing I had seen ever. It was amazing. There was a dog at the front of the boat it must had been our symbol for the group. So then we were all ready to go me and the captain were just talking before we went of. We were talking about safety and what they have on the boat including food games and a lot more. When I got on I was amazed of how much work they had been putting into it. It was unbelievable how much detail it had it. It was the best boat ever. When I got on I was astonished of how good it looked.
When we boarded on the boat we had food it was our evening meal. We had stew and garlic it was delicious. However I did have an little illness so I did vomit once all ready. On the way of setting off, I did have a lot of fun it is better when it happens. We did have a lot of fun and it was amazing I can barely even explain it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well done Toby! This is one of your best pieces of writing so far in my class! 🙂 2DJ.
T: Try to use fronted adverbials to link each paragraph and explain more clearly the time that has passed, to the reader. You could also have included a rhetorical question, to show Darwin thinking about what lies ahead.
LikeLike
Day 1:Wednesday 28th December 1831
In the the wet,damp and muddy morning I was deporting from devonport to go on a heart beating moment when I was astonished to see that there was a free holiday on the HMS Beagle that travels around the whole world. The first destination was the Canary Islands they are on the coasts of Africa and below Spain I could probably see it from the beach. There was a friendly captain called the amazing FitzRoy he was caring handsome and very generous because we brought some loaded pistols with us so if we get in trouble like getting attacked by animals.
I was vomiting over the side of the HMS Beagle for hours it was the worse sickness ever I should get a world record of most disgusting vomit in history on the HMS Beagle. The harbour was that big. The amazing HMS Beagle could fit in it so I can get on the astonishing,amazing and glorious boat so I was so excited to get on the cobalt and Safire HMS Beagle. As soon as I get on it it starts to thunder and rain so I go to the bottom of the boat to get cover. It was a disaster for that to happen.
I got on the amazing boat and I looked across into the amazing horizon walts getting sick on the boat I tried to hold it in but I couldn’t I just let it go and wam! I be sick. everywhere I go it’s just a reapeted pattern when I be sick. My sick is a disaster I feel very sick when I’m on boats and travelling on sea aboard that’s what I’m doing now so I go down so I don’t be sick.
Captain Fitzroy he s is a good and handsome man I thought he would of been more horrible when I saw him but it proved me wrong. I would been sure to meet a captain and not to be nerves but I actually was very nerves I’m probably embarrassed from that OMG is that the Canary island.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well done Charlie! I can see that you’ve tried to write a lot and have included some interesting factual details! 🙂 2DJ.
T – Firstly, I think you may have written this much more informally than Darwin would write his diary. ‘OMG’ is an abbreviation of ‘oh my god’ and certainly wouldn’t be said in a diary which is supposed to be nearly 200 years old 🙂 I also think your time order is a little different to how Darwin wrote his diaries. I think you need to focus on retelling the day in time order, remembering to add Darwin’s opinion at the right moment.
LikeLike
Day 1 Wednesday 28th December 1831
Today has been an astonishing day on the HMS beagle. When I arrived, I saw the crew who were like a little colony of ants on working as hard as they could. My dad didn’t think I should go on the HMS Beagle, but luckily professor Henslow persuaded my dad.
Before we set off, the wind was really breezy and blew across my face. Captain FitzRoy let me borrow a loaded pair of pistols just in case I got into trouble. Captain FitzRoy was one of the best sailors in the world and this made me feel excited to meet him. He seems really nice to me.
Later that day, we started boarding the HMS Beagle. It was a wonderful wooden boat. It had blue stripes. Captain FitzRoy had a white shirt on, he was having a great day. I got on the boat and I spent some time looking around the ship.
This evening, we finally set off on our voyage. We had our dinner shortly after. Unfortunately, from the rocking of the boat I have awfully sick.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is a superb diary entry Tee-Jay! I like the organisation of your writing and you listened when we talked about adding fronted adverbials. 🙂 2DJ.
T: I think you still need to write more as you could go into a lot more detail about Charles Darwin’s opinions about his journey, the crew and of course, Captain FitzRoy.
LikeLike
.
Day 1:Wednesday 28th December
As I arrived at devonport the boat was there waiting for me the boat was made out of wood and it had blue stripes captain Fitzroy came out of the boat and gave me a warm welcome aboard
Today has been a wonderful day I have met captain FitzRoy they were deporting from devonport to canary island captain fitzRoy said he could have a free holiday upon the HMS beagle all captain fitzRoys crew mates were all getting ready to sail off I thought that captain fitzRoy was a very good man and they became very good
After a while we were all ready to sail of I was existed to have a trip aboard the HMS beagle we all set of at sea with excitement or so I did it was my first ever time going on a trip aboard a boat but I still couldn’t believe I was going on a trip the best captain was leading us or so I thought he was the best captain .
Later on we had an evening feast with all the crew mates after I finished my evening feast which was lovely I to look over the boat but then I felt something inside my belly it came up and it felt like sick but then blugh. I was sick over HMS Beagle it must of been from the midnight feast blugh.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Normally you remember to write full stops in your English book Josh, but you seem to have forgotten to when typing! Don’t worry! 😀
I really like the detail included in your diary entry and you’ve organised it well! 🙂 2DJ
T: Remember to proof read it very carefully as most of your punctuation is missing. Next time, try to talk about your opinions, feelings and emotions more in each paragraph.
LikeLike
Well done Josh. Mum and Dad enjoyed reading your diary entry. It sounds very exciting although not the midnight feast! Hopefully our cooking is better 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Day one Wednesday 28th December 1831
Today was a very sad day I was leaving devenport and going with a great person called Captain FitzRoy on the Royal looking HMS beagle I couldn’t wait but all so I didn’t want to leave my home my father didn’t want me to leave devenport captain Fitzroy wasn’t at the docks suddenly he came from the HMS beagle. He said for me to enjoy the boat standing tall near the docks it was huge or giant it was so amazing that I went on bored and I was looking at the crew and I was making friends with the crew members I just couldn’t believe how well they worked to get the boat ready for the trip across the seas I was amazed by there work on the boat. I went down and looked at the boat again as magnificent as it was I would miss devenport and all that was in devenport. We set off at the end of the day. I was also worried I was gonna get harmed or if I might die. I though I would fall off the edge.
We were cheering on the boat,we had a few drinks and I ran up to the edge of the boat because of the sea sickness and writing this after and I’m feeling way better than what my sickness gave me and were in the middle of no were in the ocean I was home sick like I was sea sick I was right to the edge then captain Fitzroy gave me pistols and said keep your gun loaded at all times I wondered why he gave me guns and said that. I was shocked to see the waves rise and the boat nearly flipped over all the way luckily it didn’t I flipped back after then we saw dolphins swimming next to the HMS beagle.
We finally got to the wonderful islands I was happy it was almost like captain Fitzroy knew what I liked I got some samples from the creatures and they were good for research. I. Checked the samples of the amazing creatures I wondered what the creatures were I found out there was many different types of butterflies. I went to go and look at the island but I just got top s daddy area I saw some tortious on the sand I look at there necks the big tortious had longer necks and the small tortious had smaller necks so the little necked tortious dies quicker than the long necked tortious cause there necks helps them to live longer. We were exploring more of the islands I wondered what islands we were on I only got samples of the creatures I wanted to take one but I couldn’t it would hurt the creature I took but I want to take one to show every one near devenport.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great effort with your diary entry Abigail! I can see that you’ve really tried hard to include lots of relevant detail, although I suspect you’ve gone a little too far. It’s only supposed to be one day! 🙂 2DJ.
T: Try to proof read your writing more carefully as there are many parts where you have not punctuated your writing. You also need to check that some of your sentences aren’t in fact two or three sentences, as they’re very long.
LikeLike
Day1: Wednesday 28th December 1831
Today has been just remarkable after l had a lovely stroll through the town village. When HMS beagle was docking l had little splash or two on my shoulder. when they need an over member of the crew l said ramble l can go to sees a he’d my dad refused I said it’s a ons in a life tame opportunity. I hope captain FitzRoy gets the best impression of me.
Once I got on the boat, clouds where spinning round my head I was vomiting (excuse me) it was difficult to get my sea legs.
In a few hours we started to have a lovely meal and get to no etcher. We got a long gust fine especially the stuff we have in common.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good try Lily! You have written in the first person and included a few relevant details. 🙂 2DJ.
T: We still need to work on proof-reading your writing as there are quite a few parts which don’t make sense. I would also like to see you write another paragraph all about Captain FitzRoy, as you could say what your opinions are of him.
LikeLike
Day1: 28th december 1831
Today has been a very eventful day, it started in the early hours of the day when I arrived at devonport. There before me was the magnificent HMS BEAGLE. The beagle was a beautiful white and black wooden boat. I felt like a ant compared to towering beagle. To me this was the perfect day to set sail because there was not much wind and the sea was calm. I decided that I should find Fitzroy.
He welcomed me and hoped that I would be comfortable on his ship. He made me feel very welcome. He was strong, courageous,wealthy and kind. I instantly took liking to him. As he welcomed me I didn’t feel as small. I looked forwards to boarding the ship. The crew were organised and jolly. I felt comfortable around them.
Charles
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is an excellently written short diary entry Isabelle! 🙂 2DJ.
T: It’s a shame it isn’t longer as I really wanted to read about what the crew were like and how you felt on board the ship. I think you need to remember to use a fronted adverbial at the start of your paragraphs and consider rhetorical questions. Next time I’m sure you’ll write more and it will be even better!
LikeLike
Wednesday 15th November 2017
Today has been an interesting day, because I got a job on the HMS Beagle. When I got there I looked around and I felt sick because I was worried that the Captain wouldn’t allow me to have this job. I’d never had a job before.
I went on the HMS beagle and we set sail at midnight. We are traveling to the Canary Islands.The HMS Beagle was an extraordinary boat. It was bigger than the harbour. Captain Fitzroy was friendly, kind and graceful. My tummy rumbled and I vomited off the boat when we got there I looked at the island and wrote about some bullet ants they where magnificent I studied them because of the stinger on the back of it.
I looked in the. Bush and saw a turtle there was something strange about the turtle because it had a long neck I realised it was a new species of turtle the short neck turtles must of due out because the food must of died out because there couldn’t of got any of the food at all I felt amazed that the turtles had evolved into long neck turtles I didn’t know that animals could evolve into different type of species when the trip was over I taught every body about evolution
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow Aiden, I loved reading your diary entry! It was super! I especially liked the part about the turtles having long necks because you told me all about this after school on Thursday 🐢 well done Aiden xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well done Aiden! I agree with your mum as I really enjoyed reading this diary entry, especially as you managed to include lots of relevant detail from Charles Darwin’s life. 🙂 2DJ.
T: Try to proof read your writing very carefully as the second paragraph is missing most of the punctuation. This stops your writing from being even better. We also need to try and see if we can get to being able to write four paragraphs in future!
LikeLike
Day one: Wednesday 28th December 1831
This day was a remarkable and was definitely one to remember. After my tour in South Whales Professor Henslow informed me that Captain FitzRoy was looking for a companion and he was willing to give up half of his cabin to someone who has come as company and hasn’t paid. I told my dad about it I thought he would let me go however he denied the idea. My uncle persuaded dad to let go aboard the HMS beagle. I was very grateful because if Professor Henslow did not inform me I would not have this opportunity.
When I arrived in Devonport Captain FitzRoy was not there. I decided to look around and I saw this wonderful titanic ship it was standing in the the golden bright sun I thought what it would be like on the ship as I admireded it from all sides wondering if it has the name was written on the side. As I looked I saw the words HMS Beagle. Then I saw Captain FitzRoy come out of the boat with a efficient crew of men all gone different directions to prepare for the ship to go to the Canary Islands.
I thought that Captain FitzRoy was an energetic, kind , hopeful and confident man.I was amazed with the way the crew was working as a team to get the HMS beagle ready for the long tiring journey ahead.
By the afternoon we were off I could feel the fresh, clean air on my face it was like no other feeling I had ever felt I knew this was going to be great.
Goodbye for now
Charles Darwin.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is a wonderful diary entry Abby! I really enjoyed the factual details you included as Charles Darwin. 🙂 2DJ
T: There are a couple of parts where your sentences are too long, and should actually be two sentences. I would have liked more detail at the end about setting off on the HMS Beagle. You could also include a rhetorical question next time.
LikeLike
Day1: Wednesday 28th of December 1831
Today has been the best day in my carrier. I met a captain called captain Fitzroy deporting from Devonport of the day I met him. It was a beautiful day and a windy start. They were boarding the HMS Beagle. My thoughts of Fitzroy was friendly and cunning.He was forming ProffeserHenslow. The men had all a very big job to do on the HMS Beagle.The men were like bullet ants working.
I was aboard the HMS Beagle and I was talking to Captain Fitzroy and he was telling me about his ship and his discoveries. I can see the waves crashing against the boat. I could hear the birds tweeting softly and the crew shouting at me and my friend Captain Fitzroy.He was a very good friend.
My thoughts about Fitzroy was a gentleman friendly and of course cunning.He looked out for me when I was boarding the ship. He was kind.
Finally the ship was ready to set sail and ready to out onto shore.When we had the evening meal I felt so bad but the fact that the food was great. I felt very sick. I had a very good bond with the crew mates. I was sick over the boat and it was very gross.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great effort Jak! I can see that you’ve managed to include some relevant details when writing this diary entry. 🙂 2DJ.
T: I think you could have organised this a bit better, as it doesn’t quite seem in the correct time order. I’d also like to see you extend your sentences using more conjunctions. Finally, a fronted adverbial at the start of each paragraph would really help the reader to understand when each event is happening.
LikeLike
Day 1 Wednesday 28th December 1831
Today has been a successful journey aboard the HMS beagle that was quite big. It began with a lovely Summers day. I met Captain FitzRoy at Devenport. It was then that I knew I was ready for an adventure.The boat was magnificent and big, with many wooden layers and a big, black flag.
When I arrived, I could see the crew were organising the ship ready to set sail. Captain FitzRoy was a very generous and bold man, he made a good friend. He was as tall as a full grown tree and wore a pirate hat. He advised to always have a loaded pistol at all times.
In the evening, after we set of, we had a lovely evening meal. The potato and beans were very filling. I could not digest it so I had a a bit of a meal flare up and all my delicious meal arose up again. All that I could eat was only raisins and biscuits. Off we departed for an adventure.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is wonderful Chloe. I really liked how exciting you made the day sound. Your use of language is great. My favourite part is when you described the captain to be as big as a tree and wearing a pirate hat. Keep up the fantastic work.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree with your mum Chloe! This is a great piece of writing and you have managed to use many of the features of diaries, whilst pretending to be Charles Darwin! 🙂 2DJ.
T: I would have liked to have read even more of this diary, so next time try to write a few more paragraphs. Also, you could have also included a rhetorical question to show what Darwin could be thinking about.
LikeLike
Day one Wednesday 28 December 1831
I got to Devonport, however captain Fitzroy hadn’t arrived. There was many people looking round. I had to be on the ship in ten minutes and the captain was due to arrive in five minutes. I am so nervous I was very happy to meet the captain it’s going to be a great day, I was saying to my self. Because it’s so nerve wrecking I feel like I’m going to be made part of the crew members.The wind was starting to stop. It scared me that I am going to meet a captain of a new big big gigantic boat it made the other boats look like dwarfs. It was more than a hundred feet high, it was very big and the other boats there looked like ants!
Eventually, Captain FitzRoy arrived in a brown wooden boat with blue stripes around it. I felt very little compared to the massive boat and I felt very sick and nervous to meet captain Fitzroy in. I felt very important because I was going to meet a captain of a boat and then Captain Fitzroy came to me, walking off the magical wonderful boat. It was magnificent. It was the best thing I have ever seen in my life.
Captain Fitzroy told me to stroll on to the boat and I did. He told me we’re about to get ready. The team looked very efficient I said and he said thank you so much I hate when I don’t have a companion that’s why I called upon someone one and you got picked so the crew members want to welcome you. But my legs started feeling strange and my chest felt as if I was going to vomit over the side of the wonderful boat.
It was a very windy day. I got a particular food which was beef stew. It was very nice and very tasty, but later I had a horrific sickness it felt so bad. Now as I’m writing this I am ok.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well done Tommy! I think you are starting to understand the organisation of your diary. 🙂 2DJ.
T: You need to check your sentences much more carefully for where a sentence ends and where a new one begins. I’d also like you to think about the language you use, as remember that Darwin would write in a very formal way.
LikeLike